e s o p h o r i a - it's all about how you perceive me.

this is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and i mean SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY! i really wonder how de lecturer looks like.. haha!

ingenue
10:56 PM

ever tried lookin someone in de eye? i cant do it.. just doesnt feel so right..

todae i got off de bus and i saw a guy playin basketball at de court... i looked in his direction and our eyes met.. we just stared for a while.. and den i walked awae... de feeling was just sooooo weird.. haha..

i have a POS test tml.. off to study..

ingenue
8:36 PM

my flu, cough and sorethroat aint getting any better... been ard for a week already... prob gonna see a doc if i still dun recover.. it's troublesome being sick..

one of my tutorials was cancelled todae.. my tutor couldnt make it.. so me and my classmates decided to go catch a movie... we watched Deathnote.. been wanting to catch dat show.. it's nice if u ask me.. and i think L is so cute... his actions and all.. such a cute lil boi... and smart too! and de shinigami hu loves apples! super kawaii! apples apples apples.. i like apples too! hahaha.. came home after de movie.. watched abit of tv.. den watch D Gray Man... den now Deathnote anime... gotta get back to studying after de anime.. luckily class starts onli at 2 tml..

i have a prob.. i think my friends hate me.. haha.. i feel like they are keeping things from me and dey hate me.. my bestie tells me she loves me.. and i think she's de onli 1 hu loves me.. i seriously have no idea wads fucking wrong with me.. i dread going out.. i had to drag myself to watch Deathnote todae... i just wanna stay home.. and i think de world hates me.. i'm just so fucking miserable.. i learnt how to sing a song from a classmate in sec sch.. dats prob my fav song since.. it goes like ... "nobody likes me.. everybody hates me.. guess i'll go eat worms.." i think ppl just hate me and dey just dun wanna hurt me.. dats why dey dun wanna tell me dey hate me.. i should just quietly die awae.. i think this is too much.. i'm typing rubbish without thinking.. and i'm thinking if i should post this.. i'm quite dumb.. i just do things without thinking.. dats how my brain works.. i wish dere would be a huge hole dat'll just swallow me up.. i think i need professional help..

anywayz... on de topic of worms.. dere's a show coming up called "how to eat fried worms" looks quite funny.. and dere's covenant which looks quite nice.. but.. guess i'll stick with de worms.. suits me better..

ms b: haha.. nutella is waitin for u....
monkeygod: u're welcome.. hope it suits ur taste...

it's de biggest regret of my life

ingenue
9:44 PM

just finished making my tiramisu... the tiramisu is for uncle gary's bdae on sundae! hehehe... will be passing him de cake on sundae afternoon.. hope he likes it..

afternoon i cleared my room a lil.. cleared my cupboard filled with clothes and books... now it looks much neater... and i realised i've lots and lots of notebooks.. so so much... haha.. so much i cant finish using dem... after clearing my room i went to bukit panjang plaza with my aunt for a walk.. walked around a lil and went starbucks for coffee.. bought coffee home for making tiramisu... reached home ard 4 and it was raining quite heavily.. continued packing my room... after packing my room i did some maths and some econs... den some tv... and den finally cake making... now here i m in frnt of my com blogging...

blogging is a nice thing to do... but dere are some things just not meant for de public to knw... some things just cannot be blogged out.. oh well...-shrugs-

anywayz kel.. u wan de cake? come take.. i made some extras... hu else wants some cake? 1st come 1st serve... hehe.. :p

ingenue
11:27 PM

didnt go to school ytd as i was having a bad sorethroat and runny nose.. must be due to the lousy weather.. the dumb haze is just making everything worse.. spent some time ytd with my books.. i just realise dat i have tons of reading to be done.. and i have stuffs to do when my lappie gets back... i so badly need my lappie right now.. i just hope it'll come back soon.. soon enuff i hope.. wanna clear all my readings and stuff and be up to date in my studies.. a lil back dated now.. shessh...

todae i spent 2 hrs travelling time to and fro sch for a 1.5hr lecture.. how dumb can get be? apparently my earlier lecture was cancelled as my lecturer had to go back to india for some personal stuff.. so ibm was cancelled and i was left with pos... pos todae was alright.. slightly more interesting den methods which we were doing for de past few weeks... shall do some revision and notes printing later...

bought tiramisu ingredients at carrefour todae... i hate making tiramisu.. so exp!! dumb cheese and cream.. cakes are so fattening.. dats why i love dem but i dun eat dem.. hahaha.. maybe cuz i knw how dey are made.. haha.. anywayz prob gonna make de tiramisu over de weekend.. gonna try doing it without a container... will update u guys if it works.. haha..

and 1 thing.. i HATE it when ppl gives my no. away to other ppl.. and worse to ppl i duno... dat freaking liu qihe.. plz dun let me see him again.. i'm just so disgusted.. giving my no. awae to ppl i have no idea hu dey are.. and getting weird sms trying to be friends with me.. plz.. wad era are we in already? plz stop using lame methods to get to knw ppl.. cant u ppl just get out dere and knw some REAL ppl instead? i cant stand such lamers.. and to think i tot he was someone i knew and i continued chatting with him... i feel so dumb.. so cheated... cant even trust ppl with my fone no. wad is this world coming to manz? haiz..

anywayz.. enuff crapping.. off to more readings... weeeeeeee

ingenue
3:24 PM

been working thru the long weekend.. have been helping my aunt out at a booth at vivo city selling angel clay.. angel clay is this amazing soft and light clay thingy from korea... it's really fun to play with.. quite addictive once you start with it.. it's cute!

vivo city is just 3 levels but the area is really huge? but i really didnt walk ard de place for the weekend i was dere.. i was bz promoting my clay.. haha.. and the human traffic dere is so scary... dere were just tons of ppl ard.. saw quite a few ppl i knw dere... but i just didnt call out to any of dem.. dere was this guy i had a crush on while i was in SIM.. den dere was this ger serene whom i knew from my sec sch daes... den dere's this ger from my pri sch... and another ger from my sec sch.. she actually called me.. but i just acted like i wasnt me.. sorry but no. 1 when i'm working i really dun like to be distracted.. and no. 2 sec sch was bad memory for me.. just nothing good came out of sec sch daes..

heard from ms b dat wad i said bout her friend came true... den i realise how scary it is to be like me.. believe me.. it's not a good character.. it's a weak character easily swayed by factors ard... i hate this aspect of myself.. i wish i could be a stronger person.. i hate being pushed ard by others.. i hate it when ppl dun take me seriously.. and i hate it when ppl are just so insensitive..

anywayz.. talked to my doc bout my prob.. the prob i've kept within myself for years.. doc wants to help but she has no time... so i'm gonna see another doc for theraphy... i duno how to sae this but.. it took me a lifetime of courage to open up to the matter and tell it to my doc.. and it took many sessions of consulting her and finally trusting her enuff to tell her.. now dat i'll be seeing another doc.. i duno if i'll be able to tell the new doc bout my prob... something just doesnt feel so right..

anywayz.. i'm suffering from a bad sorethroat and blocked nose... bought some lozenges to self treat... hopefully i'll recover soon enough... i shall go do some econs and write a letter i'm supposed to have written 2 mths ago... i shall stop procrastinating...

i have many regrets in life....

ingenue
4:48 PM

i duno how much longer can i take it.. everydae i'm just on de verge of breaking down... this is too much for me to take.. maybe i'm just not as strong as i think i am...

god help me..

ingenue
11:26 PM

I'll never get used to this dusty old town.
I can't laugh the way I used to,
I bowed my head and walked in shame.

Hey, all you people running about:
Have your dreams come true?
'Cause I'm still struggling.

Instead of returning to my childhood,
I want to live on the right path today.
But I've always been a coward.

I went out to a sunny field and spread my hands,
And thought something like:
"Can I cross that blue sky?"

I used some wings to fly,
But I still can't see them.

Life isn't simple. That's why I can live on.

I picked up a wet puppy off the street.
It cried so adorably it made me laugh.

I said: "I want to be loved, I just want to be loved,"
But just asking for it won't do me any good.

I remember there were times in my childhood,
When I broke my mom's heart so badly.
Today I want to change all that.

I went out to a sunny field and clenched my fists.
I'll smash that time and place.
I can change my life.

There are a lot of things in my heart,
but I don't know how to express them all.
Life isn't simple. That's why I can live on.

I'll go out to a sunny field and look at my life's map.
But you and I both know we can't plan everything.
I can change my life.

All the days of my life behind me
Have made me who I am today.
Life isn't simple. That's why I can live on.

ingenue
10:39 PM

no cute guys this time.. but a pretty lil ger.. nice song.. it's de full song of de 1 i posted earlier.. 1 of de ending theme of bleach...

ingenue
10:37 PM

No matter how much we consider the future,
No one can see the truth.
Something is blocking my blank mind,
It's just a mistake that I've been repeating.

It's okay for my steps to continue, these hands have seperated.
Walking away from where you continue to live,
Until I become worn out I keep prolonging it
That time, that place, it will never disappear - this bond.

In time that flows, I try not to lose anything.
Passing by, we collided - true emotion
permeated my heart, into warm desires
The miracle I requested came about by chance.

Even when things couldn't stand still, amidst the pain,
I saw the light, because we were bound together.
It's okay if you lied, and it's okay to cry
That time, that place, it will never disappear - this bond.

It's okay for my steps to continue, these hands have seperated.
Walking away from where you continue to live,
Until I become worn out I keep prolonging it
That time, that place, it will never disappear - this bond.

ingenue
10:28 PM

cute boys in action.. kakaka

ingenue
10:11 PM

i love jap boys
hahaha

ingenue
10:09 PM

been thinking bout wad my bestie said about stewardess being able to travel around de world.. de more i think about it de more it irritates me cuz it's my lifelong dream to be a pilot.. if i'm a pilot den i'll be able to travel around de world.. i so so sooo wanna travel de world.. i'm such a saggittarus.. i love travelling.. thou i get home sick easily.. but seeing de world nv fails to excite me.. so... back to my pt.. i'm short.. ya.. too short to be a pilot.. why on earth is my dad 187 and his daughter so short! i just need a lil more.. 5 more cms??????? can those tall freaks donate me sae 5 cm? just enough for me to be a pilot.. i'll be oh so grateful to dem.. argh.. typin this makes my blood boil.. de more i think i cant be a pilot.. de more pissed i m.. anywayz.. no coffee tea or me for evon... evon's just not cut out of this.. anywayz SIA probably wun wan me.. haha.. thou i think i'll look nice in a kebaya.. i alwayz look nice in weird clothings... specially traditional clothings.. i have dat weird face.. haha.. anywayz i just hope my bestie gets in... den she can fulfill her dream of opening a restaurant.. den i'll be her pastry chef.. dat is if i get enuff recipes to fill up her dessert menu.. hehe.. quoting from full house " go go fighting!" hahahahhaa..

ingenue
10:31 PM

went out with my best friend-ms tan on sunday.. we studied a lil at lot 1 mac and i got sick of studying so we decided to head down to causeway point.. walked around and talked alot.. haha.. she got de slippers dat she wanted... after dat we sat down and was discussing about her friend's dilemma.. it just gets more and more confusing! hahaha.. went back home after a while.. sat we met up again this time with her significant other.. was supposed to go for the cartier exhibition but we cancelled and will be going next wk.. cuz i had a dinner dat nite... anywayz will be bringing my sis along next wk.. so in de end we had lunch at mos burger and went to ktv after dat.. sang lotsa songs.. and my crazy best friend took pictures with the television! hahaha.. ok.. jay chou was on screen at dat time.. but i still prefer lee hom.. hahaha.. went to check out the SIA flight stewardess kebaya after dat.. so i reckon i'll be accompanying you to the interview??? kaka.. u'll get in my dear.. dun worry.. =D sunday was spent at the church in de morning.. slept abit in de afternoon and did some maths and econs in the evening.. didnt get to do any ibm.. will do so in de coming weeks.. i've decided to write at least 1 ibm essay per wk.. dats for training.. hehe.. ok.. off to do other stuffs.. blog when i find de time.. dun sae dead blog again ah :p hehe

ingenue
4:48 PM

sunday was daddy's 25th birthday.. was supposed to go see him cut cake on sat nite.. but i had a dinner going on and notice was last min so i couldnt make it dere.. sorry daddy! lunch somedae??? =) here i wanna wish my daddy all the best in what he does for the 25th year of his life and the many many good years to come.. and i also wish daddy and ellen all de best.. hehe.. =D -hugs daddy-

ingenue
4:46 PM

Happy Belated Birthday Daddy ~!!!!!!

ingenue
4:44 PM

i have here the english lyrics to the song featured below...

Because of all the days that've passed, i am who i am now.
I can keep on living because it doesn't go easily
People passing by with hurried steps,
"Has your dream come true?" i'm still struggling.
Instead of going back to my childhood,
I'd rather try living well here and now.
I was born a scaredy cat.
I went out to where the sun shone and clenched my hands tightly smashing that place, that time.
I can change my life
But i really can't completely express everything that's in my heart.
I can keep on living because it doesn't go easily.

ingenue
4:41 PM

i love the lyrics to this song.. aint very clear thou cant help it.. -shrugs-

ingenue
7:45 PM

gawd i love youtube!

ingenue
9:49 PM

met jeffrey in school todae.. had lunch.. talked a lil and came home.. de maths assignment is killing me.. -.-'' anywayz.. i realise i nv really like tv shows but i'm just so attracted to anime.. i'm simply hooked on to anime.. i can just sit in front of my com de whole dae and watch anime.. haha.. someone stop me plz! oh.. i've got lotsa mooncakes at home.. so i decided not to buy de doraemon mooncakes anymore.. i aint dat keen on doraemon anywayz.. not my cup of tea.. lol :P

ingenue
8:09 PM

it's been 4 years.. i've kept this secret with me for 4 long years.. how long more do i have to carry this secret with me? i duno... but amazingly.. i feel at peace with myself.. it's different.. i've never felt something like this before... i duno wad u call this.. but maybe.. just maybe.. itz wad dey call love..

ingenue
12:39 PM